Conferences

You know how I said that 'I can tell everything is going to be o.k.' Well, I think I lied.

I'm not sure everything will be.
First, I am farting about on the internet when I could be reading about the joys of Vygotsky and whether or not his ZPD and the arguements for and against it would be a decent topic to cover in my 'Educational Theory' class*.

*could substituite that with coming up with a small scale research project, reading about Dewey, trying to come to terms with statistics and deciphering the maze that is post-positivism and cultural sociology and how it has influences educational reserach.

Is it any wonder I'm farting about?

Seem to be thinking about doing and actually doing abit but then getting so de-motivated or tired or bored that all the best laid plans just disappear into the horizon-like a lot lately.
I tell myself that you can't study and read all day everyday. Kind of true.

Elsewhere, everything is not going to be ok. That has been made very clear by certain parties. Hope has been killed and in it's place a stark reminder that everything isn't going to be o.k. no-matter how one urges it to be.

Much

The Pursuit of Happiness.
by pf.

Forget it. It's unattainable. It's a myth. In it's purest form, it will not happen. You might get close to the pinnacle of 'happiness' but the actual attainment of it will be beyond you.

I suspect that everyone wants to get to the highest point they can get to on the ladder of happiness - me included. In fact, it is probably the only thing that I can truly say 'that's what I'm searching for'.

But a disproportionate amount of time is spend getting to the 'top' of the ladder. So much time, for such little reward. A brief moment...For one person, it might be getting a smile out of someone who never even knew you existed, no matter how fleeting the smile. To another, it might be having someone say the simple words 'i love you'.

The former being merely an instant reward for something that might never happen. The latter, again might be something that might never happen.
And for those 2 examples, how long does the person wait in anticipation or hope to get such a feeling?

If it was a business, it would have gone out of business for being too unprofitable.

Yet people spend their entire lives trying to reach and reach and reach to attain it. Doing anything to try and get it. Drugs, surgery, bribing, paying. Whatever. A word. Stop. Once you get the 'happiness' you will want more and more and you'll become greedier and more likely to do anything to get that 'happiness'. Is that the way of a truly happy person?

I suspect that happiness is relative. If you don't expect anything, then anything that happens will be unexpected which could bring about a degree of the mythical 'happiness'. Expect, and you will be disappointed.

If you say your 'happy', I might try and believe you but I might think you are merely contented. A difference. If you maintain you are, then I would suggest 1. That you don't really have a suitable concept of happiness, 2. You are not completely in touch with your senses and 3. that you are probably a liar.

Am I happy? haha.

move on...

tests

The French were slain at Hampden then. Not quite but a 1-0 win will do. We are not world beaters just yet but we can harry and disrupt and stick to our gameplan which we did. The French were not allowed to play their normal game and in the end, it frustrated them. They didn't really know what to do. Case in point in the French Coach who claimed that it was the ballboys were the reason that they didn't win because they didn't get the ball back onto the pitch quickly enough. Straws and clutching.

Perhaps the French will qualify, after all quality usually rises to the top however we might give the larger teams a fright. A draw in Kiev would go down rather well. 10 points from 12. To get that...

England=back to normality there.
Wales=mince. You don't lose 5 goals at home regardless of opposition.
N.IReland=surprising.
Rep. of Ireland=similiar to the Welsh. You don't let in 5 against Cyprus. Period.

b+a

TwO things.
Connected? Not really.

ONE= hope we stuff the French at Hampden on Saturday. But, I would be content with a draw and even a draw in Kiev on Wednesday. Unbeaten after 4 games would be cracking. 3 out of 4 would be highly satisfying.

TWO = Edinburgh Uni. is at 33 in the poll of 'best Uni's.' in the World. Not too bad. Does that mean I'm the 33rd best in my field? You bet your arse I am.

Base

That's more than a month I've been home. Not the longest stretch since I 'lived' and returned but certainly the most permanent and restricted. Kind of feel abit trapped. I guess that is abit irrational given that here is 'home'. Perhaps it's because I can't really see any light at the end of the tunnel. Before, there was always the thought that I would be returning to Korea or London or wherever I was. In some ways that was the light. It's strange though, because I never thought that when I was living in Edinburgh. Perhaps it was because that was the only thing I knew having gone to school and Uni. here. But, with moving away the thought of other places is there and it has remained.

The urge for something different.

Anyway, you know you are home when:
1. You see 2 old grannies fighting on the downstairs deck of a Number 5 bus.
2. You quite fancy having a kebab whilst waiting on the night bus home.
3. You know that the rain will last all day.
4. You have to queue to get a pint.
5. Whilst in afore mentioned queue, a fight starts and you start to get worried about the glass pint glasses that might or might not smash nearby.
6. Birds wear nothing even though it's quite chilly outside.
7. You know that Edinburgh is a nice place to visit on holiday.
8. hmm.

anseo

inspiration and author.

see photo below.

Faculty

When all good intentions get punted into the abyss.
Not a good start to this damned course. Was going to do x/y/z/ in prepration for the week ahead but in the end, I didn't do anything. Will have to sort that one out. Did get to the gym though.

Might have something to do with the beer consumed on Saturday night.