I guess i'm home. Edinburgh, Scotland.
My body is here but everything else isn't yet.
Kind of just been in abit of a trance since Tuesday night. A combination of tiredness, loneliness, broken heartedness, emptiness and any other suitable -ness. Sleep seem to come at strange times and not particularly when I want it to come. Between 5 and 8am is not the time to be awake and thinking. Instead, i want to be asleep so that I don't need to think or feel or anything.
Daytime just seems to be filled with boredom. Sitting in watching tv or trying to read material relevent to this course I'm starting soon but in the end I just seem to be faffing about not really doing anything of note and it's these times when I drift back to Korea, to Cheonan and what I should be doing there. What I should be planning or organising or saying. I wonder how long that will last...
The actual process of leaving. Not enjoyable. At times, worse than I thought but at other times, it was better than I thought. The leaving of my apartment, the locking of the door was the easy part. So was the getting into the taxi to the Train Station /i don't do long bus trips/ even the getting on the train was o.k. It was the run up to all that and the intervening bits that were less than pleasant.
The worst being the morning and a phone call from a certain young women. It started of o.k. but then descended into a...well...lets just say that the phone call had to be stopped and I couldn't call back. I knew that would happen. I knew it. I would have liked to have seen her - just a hug or something - but clearly that was always going to be unlikely no matter how much I would have liked to and no matter how much of a state it would have put me in. And that is probably it. I asked if it I would ever see her again. 'I don't know' was the answer...
Perhaps a full in depth comment on the leaving will appear but I still can't quite get round the fact that it's happened. All this is really happening. Would quite like to disappear completely but what good would that do. Perhaps, I'll get round to that all important paragraph that explains everything. The mythical paragraph.