Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Sometimes you just know that its going to be a nightmare week. The littliest things that should remain little somehow morph into something big for no real reason to make your week turn bad. Today it was the fact that the bus driver was so slow. I mean, seriously slow. Why? It was 6.10 in the morning...what possible reason was there for being slow? There is no traffic, no howling wind and rain and certainly no people to pick up en route to the city centre because only the mentally deficicent are up and about at that time. He was just being a cock. He knew that I was wanting to catch the early bus upto my new adopted city so that I could get in abit earlier in order to do my copying and cutting before for class. And thought it would be fun to be a knobhead and drive slowly. He drove so slowly that when I got off his snail of a bus, I had to dash to catch my other bus. I don't really do running and I certainly don't do running in the morning before the sun is even up but I did and that bothered me. So, I was abit hot getting on my new bus upto my new adopted city. I tried to cool down but it just so happened that the driver of this new bus had decided he was cold so had put the heating on FULL blast meaning that I couldn't cool down because of his selfishness and dar I say it, his age. Yes, old people like to be warm, don't they.

All this before 6.45am.
And then a full day of teaching.
Wonderful, this life.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


British Summer Time.
What's the point?

Is it because we're trying to be 'special' or something? Not overly impressed with it to be honest. I can't be doing with the darkness in the morning nor in the afternoon although if I had a choice, I would much rather it was dark in the morning but light in the afternoon.

Alas, its winter and that's another thing I can't be doing with. But you knew that anyway.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


the /in/famous speech from 'Scarface' seems to be bubbling to the surface of my consciousness nor readily that it has for awhile. The speech when they are eating dinner:

/to paraphrase/ is this it? is all i'm livin for.
your 50, you got tits and you're sitting eating this fucking shit.

Not overly concerned about the tits part but the first part is troubling me. Just seem to be killing time until something else comes along and its not really something that I'm good at. Bit impatient to be honest. I want that job, that salary, that stress. I'm tired of bideing my time though.

Monday, October 22, 2007


What i'd quite like to do if I didn't need to have a job, part 1:
Buy quite a good camera. It wouldn't need to be a top of the range one, nor a cheap thing either. Just something that I could take photos with, in a relatively high resolution. It should also have the function that allows me to take both colour and black and white photos. Once armed with my camera, I would just go about taking pictures. Not just of nouns, but adjectives and verbs as well. And not just in Edinburgh but whereever I quite fancied going. Clearly, I would need a bit of money to be able to do this especially if I wanted to go to some far off place and just take pictures. I would quite like to take people with me for company, that would be great. A week here or a couple of weeks there. Of course, other people might not see the point of just going around taking pictures and that is completely fair enough. Then, I think I would just put my pictures onto my website. If people wanted to visit it, then great. If they thought some of the pictures where good, then even better. Of they didn't want to visit, then I wouldn't lose sleep over it. I wonder though if I would ever get bored of just taking pictures of stuff I see. I probably would actually. But then to have a pictorial portrait of what you did would be remarkable. Seeing what I saw although not necessarily understanding why I took a particular picture. I wonder if that is a control thing? You only see what I want you to see.
Deep philosophical point that I'm not touching.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Thursday, October 18, 2007


teaching. sometimes good, sometimes bad. i can totally relate to why there is a mass exodus away from it. crap money being one of the primary factors. there's not money in being a teacher. in fact, are there any real prospects for improvement and promotion? not really. bit depressing, that thought. bit of a real-life, hardcore concern. to coin Alfie: what's it all about?

quite liking:
getting something akin to an income.
'dance with me' by the juan maclean.
the idea of getting a job with doesn't require thinking or doing it when you are outside of 'office hours'.
the idea of scotland doing something good.
the fact i've got a masters.
standing up for myself for once.
the ease with which it is to offend, castigate, moan and ignore electronically.
not much else.

quite not liking:
the strange lack of happiness in getting a masters.
spending time out of the class preparing for the class.
the grammitical complexities of the english lanugage haha.
looking for jobs.
writing cover letters begging for them to employ you.
getting knock-back cos my begging covering letters haven't convinced.
knowing you could do the job advertised but not getting the chance to prove it.
the end of summer.
darkness when I wake up.
the sunlight disturbing my 'sleep' on the bus to work.
not being able to sleep in an upright position.
my overdraft.
can't really find anything i want to listen to.
the fact i stood up for myself.
aloofness. my own.
+ others.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Bit mental all this Euro qualifying lark. Last saturday saw what turned out to be quite a comprehensive win against the Ukraine. Somewhat unexpected but very welcome and saw us top of the table. Italy and France - where are you?

Back to earth the following wednesday with defeat away to Georgia. How typically Scottish. Never really got going to be honest. Bullied particulary in the centre of midfield but also lacked the width down the flanks to get into forward positions. Disappointing that the right and left-backs couldn't do that.

I wonder though, that in some kind of perverse way that defeat to Georgia was actually a good thing. Had we won, we would have required a point in our final game against Italy. We are crap at things like that - playing for a point. At least now we know that we must win. And that win would be enough to qualify. I'm certainly much more comfortable with the black/white outcome of it. We know where we stand and we know what we must do. It might be that we were due a bad performance and I would much rather have had it against the Georgians than against the Italians when it really matters.

If...and its a big if, we get our strongest team out next month, I think we might sneak it. I'm not entirely convinced that Italy are a team that could withstand a Scottish onslaught - passion, pace and guts. With a bit of luck it will be pissing down with rain as well. Always a great leveller and something that would suit us. Of course, the first goal would be all important. The Italians have the ability to park the team coach infront of their goal should they score first. If we scored first, I think we could hold on.

Although, the pressure might just be too much. Heightened expectations are in evidence. We have over-reached to get to this point. If it finished with us coming 3rd, then nobody could argue that we 'failed'. On the contrary, we shouldn't be where we are. We should be out by now. The very prospect of us qualifying is a modern day minor miracle. That said, the Italians and the French have no god-given right to qualify...meanwhile we have no god-given right to think that we are second class footballers. The group table tends not to lie.

Meanwhile, the possibility that England might fail to qualify is a very real prospect. Results must go their way. The irony of ironies would be that we got there and they didn't. The 'golden' generation turning out to be something much less that that. It would be remarkable. Again, they have no god-given right to be there because they are 'England'.

Wales, N.Ireland= flatter to deceive as ever.
17th November. It could be our generations Scotland Vs. Wales at Anfield with Joe Jordans arm giving us a penalty to see us through. It could be our generations 'Wembley Wizards' or indeed a game that equals the Jim Baxter's keepy-uppy against England.

Alas, it could all go pear-shaped. Lets believe though...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


I arrived home to find a little brown envelope waiting for me.
Alas, it was from University. It was the results...
I already knew my assignment results - a fairly decent A and 5 B's. But, this envelope was dealing the all important Dissertation. I felt that it would pass but by how much was the question. Delusions of an A were briefly entertained but deep down, I knew that I hadn't left enough time to write it up sufficently well. At best, it was patchy with some good parts and parts which were less so. I wrote what I could and I think that it has been reflected in getting a B for it. Its the old cliche - if I'd been offered a B at the start of the year, I would have taken it. And take it, I will.
Feedback was fair and I've not got alot of room for complaint.

All of which means I'm now the proud owner of an MSc by Research (Education). I guess I should be pleased with that. I think I am but I just don't feel it at the moment. All I will say is that the primary objective was sucessfully achieved, a statement which belies the real heartache that went into turning the objective into a reality.Question is: what is the next objective?

Friday, October 12, 2007


the very valid point that people tend to label people with amazing regularity and with a certain about of harshness was made and in many respects it's very true. I wonder if it is a distinctly Scottish trait as was suggested. I'm not entirely convinced that it is. The 'well travelled' individual that I am wouldn't simply limit it to 'being Scottish', rather it is a human thing. We all like to place things and people into compartments whether they are true or not.
In something of an extension to that...

Where did all this ridiculing for the sake of a short term 'laugh' come from? Has it always been there or is it that I'm just noticing it for the 1st time?
Its almost as if it has replaced the art of conversation - can't be arsed talking, so I'll pick on some charactersitic of the people I'm with and highlight it and it all its 'badness' so that all the other 'followers' will join in and thing I'm funny. Or maybe its something more deep rooted. Either way, its a faff. Light hearted or not, its crap and really abit dull and repititive and frankly, lacks thought or imagination.

I'll go out on a limp for once and give an specific example and risk the wrath of others.

All this bollocks talk of 'age'. So fuck. Someone is older than another person. Eh, yeah. It's been like that since the age of time. Someone is always older. Its just the way things are. Its nothing new or exciting. Mention it yes, but all night? I think not. Every second sentence 'aye, cos yer old'. And? Your point is? Everything is age related. You can't drink 12 pints because your 'old'. Or your have a grey hair because your 'old'. Or you are careful because your 'old'. Or you're shit because your 'old'. Or the classic, the simple 'because your old'. How we chuckled at the comic timing and genius of it.
Well, I'm taking a stand against it. Stick it up your arse.

If you've got something constructive and interesting to talk about then go for it. Conversation is the reason for meeting others - learning, listening, agreeing, being informed, disagreeing are the types of things I'm looking for. That's what I'm after in a conversation. Not all this mindless /testosterone/ fuelled nonsense. Yawn? Is it any wonder.

Crushthe liberation.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Some people say some highly contemptible things. Things that are so ridiculous that they neither deserve to be replied to or given any sort of respect or indeed any further thought. However.

A single sentence uttered in my presence of few weeks back seemed particularly ridiculous that it was dismissed out of hand, in fact I think it was laughed off. But, the sentence has remained with me. Just lingering there growing and festering. In fact, is really has taken me to thoughts that I hadn't considered before regarding the person that uttered it. Clearly, these thoughts have been less that complimentary and have really turned me into an 'anti'-that person which is probably swimming against the tide, but then when do I do what the 'majority do'? Haha.

To this person, everything is black and white. Either or. Simplistic. Indeed, it might be suggested that it belies a deeper ignorance or even closed-mindedness which is somewhat surprising but now that I've had time to think about it, its not as surprising as it might have been as there has been glimpses in the past. Only glimpses. Its as if everything I've said has not been listened to at all. Ever.

Friday, October 05, 2007


Getting mingin'. The whole concept of it really does change with time. Well, certain others might disagree but I've certainly become much less inclined to do so. I'm not sure if 1 particular incident lead to this or if it was more of a gradual process. Perhaps its because I'm fed up waking up in the morning with the left hand side of my brain hurting thinking 'damn, I really should have had that glass of water'. Actually, that thought probably didn't even occur to me because I was more worried about taking my contact lenses out before I stumbled into bed.

That said, a beer or equivalent is fine. Sociable. In fact, i've never really had the urge to drink at home. If I wanted something to drink at home, I'd much rather something that I like - a coffee or a tea. In fact, I think that I prefer them to alcohol. Social-drinker then, definitely.

But on my travels home on a Saturday evening, it really does become clear why I don't drink to excess. It just ain't pretty. All these randoms staggering along the street with their greasy chips, hurling abuse at their 'mates'. Aye, yay cannae fuckin say that, ya bam OR she was a rank bird...widnae tutch her wae yers OR dae yay ken whay eye 'um? I'm sure these randoms looked fairly good when they started out but come the end of the night - oh my. Not a pretty sight at all. The journay home on the bus is always comical but its also somewhat scary because you never really know how people will react. There's always this undercurrent or feeling that if you say, look or do something the wrong way, that its likely to cause offence and therefore abuse or worse. 3 pissed up 'ladies' all trying to munch their pizzas got on the bus. They didn't have the right money cue the first source of cursing and shouting. Then they couldn't get their ticket out of the machine because they clearly couldn't continue to munch their pizza, argue with each other, walk to the machine and stay upright all at the same time. In the end they made a beeline for the nearest seat. The journey home then consisted of these 'ladies' mouthing off and reflecting on the night at the top of their voices. Then of course, was the stress of getting themselves off the bus. Again, lets just say that they didn't possess any multi-tasking skills. And all because of booze. I'm sure they are lovely 'ladies' come the daytime but I wonder if they would have been shocked by their behaviour had something recorded their antics and played it back to them. In some cases, you might think that they would. However, I get the impression that it would have been a badge of honour for them. Sad but that is Scotland.

Not really sure what point I'm trying to make. Perhaps its just me trying to justify not really have much appetite for getting mingin' in contrast to others. I'll shut up.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


wonder what its like seeing through your eyes. tried but I was always late.
any excuse.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


Eh, when did Scotland and indeed Scottish teams decide that they wanted to be good? Not only 'humping' France 1-0, but Rangers beating the French Champions Lyon, in Lyon and then a small matter of Celtic beating the European Champions. Highly remarkable. Think I should quite football right here and now because it will not be this good again.
Alas, 'Dida-gate'.
What a tool. He is certainly up for an oscar nomination for that acting. He will be up for best foreign actor. He was 'touched' on the shoulder by some ned who shouldn't have been there /more of which in a moment/. Dida then proceeded to turn and chase after this ned as if he was going to catch him and beat him up. After 4 steps, he decided that he was too slow and had no chance of catching him. Instead, he fell to the ground like the proverbial 'sack of tatties' clutching his face. Not only that, but he kept the charade going by getting the Milan doctor to come onto the pitch to treat his 'facial wound'. Incredibily, he then got stretched off. The bare faced cheek of him /no pun intended/. Astounding really. Hope he gets the book thrown at him for that.

As for the ned. What a total idiot. What was he doing? He could have really caused a lot of problems including a large fine or even playing games behind closed doors. An arse. Indeed though, Scotland is full of such arses. I seem to see alot of them on my daily trip upto Perth. I wonder if there is a disproportionate number of them in Fife/Perthshire? Perhaps I'm just a magnet for them. There was nearly a fight on the bus today. Some ned thinking he was hard playing some random hardcore music on his phone. He was trying to 'rap' over it but given that he was pissed, it was abit hit and miss. Snoop Dog, he was not. Some other older bloke had words with him. But the ned wasn't having any of it. He asked the older bloke 'do you know who I am? Typical. Eh, no mate I don't so sit down and shut up before I bam you, I shouted at him - or at least I did in my head because I'm well hard in those kind of situations.