gold

the notion of 'getting older' has been well and truly highlighted with the announcement of 2 weddings in the not too distant future...

The 1st was already in the public domain. Ms. T. and her man due to get hitched next June. Kind of weird to think that I haven't seen her since she visited Cheonan...alas, in the intervening period she has met 'the man' and it's all over on the pulling front for her which is wonderful.
The second was alittle less clear cut. The smart money was on her but we weren't sure. The sureness is back, and her other half popped the question.

Delighted to hear both, no doubt about it and I would like to say that it's a wonderful thing and i'm sure that they have both made excellent choices and in some ways they have been very lucky in finding that person.

So, out of the 5 of us. 1 deal has been signed, sealed and delievered and 2 more are en route which leaves 2. Yours truly being one of the 2.

Which is not unexpected but slightly alarming at the same time especially given that alot of people are 'doing' it or are in the process of getting onto 'doing' it.

And i'll leave it at that. Can of worms can remain shut.

blink

winter06.
Thanks maya.

automatic

in the jungle groove. Classic James Brown. Funky. I just want to walk along the road like Shaft...all cool. Although, I do get a few stares when I shout out 'hit me now' and 'yaaaaaa'. It's interesting that when he is singing, he's actually addressing the people in the studio...talking to them. 'Ain't it funky now?' 'Can I get some help?' 'Can I scream brother? 'Can I get a witness? for example to which the rest of the band are 'Yeah' ing back to him.

I just makes me want to do more than tap my feet. It makes me want to sway uncontrollably in a rythmic kind of way which would look stupid if there was anyone to witness. Cool incorporated.

required

Not impressed.
With myself that is.
I just seem completely incapable of getting out of this rut. This continual feeling that there is a big, bloody great dark cloud obsuring everything that I just can't seem to shake off. At times the sun pokes through but on the whole it just comes back.
What the f__k.
Wallowing around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. For what purpose? There is no purpose and that's it, it's completely irrational.

Surely it can't be physically possible to be in a bad mood all the time. But, it seems that I'm not too far off it.

No doube some comments will come back suggesting I get my act together but I'm bloody trying but it just isn't working. Trying to throw myself at my studies helps slightly and then it doesn't. What is the solution?
I wish someone would tell me because this can't continue.

Long

So, I applied for my 1st British job since 2001. A local College. The job spec. is almost exactly what I was doing...I can do it, no doubt about it.
I would be disappointed if I didn't get at least an interview.

Seems like I have been given the 'honour' of being my class representative. Perhaps it's because no-one else wanted it which is more than likely given that there are only 6 people in my class. But, I will do it to the best of my ability which at the moment doesn't say too much.

And that's about it. Not really much to say about anything. Tired, headached and not really in the mood for doing. Quite like to read my book, a minute later. Can't be arsed. Maybe i'll watch tv for abit. Flicking channels to finds nothing on. Can't be arsed with that. Bit hungry. Can't be arsed cooking. Think i'll take a nap. Can't be arsed trying to get to sleep. Can't be arsed even trying to be arsed.

Viscious and cirlce.
At least the weekend is here.

Outage

Seem to be going in cyclic movements...i don't think it's a new thing. I tend to move between being really happy and thinking 'I can do this' or 'everything is fine' to moments in which the complete opposite occurs. Like now. Kind of seems like these episodes happen more often.

I wonder if it has anything to do with tiredness.

I'm not sure.
I guess i'm not the only one who goes through these particular peaks and troughs.
I would though, quite like the peaks to remain abit longer. In fact, it would be good if they lasted all day, instead of a few hours. And the troughs when I'm sleeping, so that I wouldn't even notice them. That would be really good.

Strange.

It's funny that despite everything that has happened of late, the last person I expected to give me any sort of advice, actually did. It was very simple...

I can tell EVERYthing is going to be ok.

And that is how it was written.
Sometimes its the simple things that do it.
I think that's all I really wanted to hear. Just someone to say the above even if it did come from an unlikely source.

So, that's my advice to you.

I can tell EVERYthing is going to be ok.

divergent

So, I had my 3 classes for this semester chosen. I knew the class content and the reading lists and howthe classes were to be assesed. But, I didn't know the times that all 3 classes would be on. I thought that there would be no problem, after all 3 classes over 5 days should go.

It doesn't.
Knew it.

2 of the classes clash on a Monday morning. The one I most want to do isn't a core subject but the other Monday is a core subject and clearly I'm taking that class because I have to. Hmm.

Bit disappointed actually.
Instead, I need to find another class to take.
And that's the hard part.
Quite fancy the 'Philosphical aspects of Educational Theory' which looks at Plato and Socrates and the like - quite interesting - but think that it would well hard!
And the other choices are not ones that particularly stand out.

Another headache. Like I need more of them...

Senior

and the music keeps on playing on and on.
red alert.
and it is.
job applications. actually, just the one. not easy.
seems like i've spent 2 whole days trying to complete 5 pages of self-indulgent nonsense in which i try to convince some punter that i'm his man. the man that can do the job he wants me to. i know i can do but it's the convincing that is the hard part. i might be so bold as to say that i'm not really a self-publicist haha. i'm not really comfortable shouting from the roof tops that i am a truly exceptional person, teacher whatever even though, at times i do think i am. those moments are not that common. self confidence. lacking. fill in the missing words yourself.

perhaps that's why i read books and study. the books don't judge.

anyway...what's the word on the street?
not really sure. coping but i defintely drift back to Cheonan. times when i crave for some tuna kimbab, kimchi, chicken from the chicken restaurant and kamja-tang. although not sure how i would eat them since i haven't picked up chop-sticks in anger since that fateful monday. and this week is the university festival. 3 days of drinking and no class or just not bothering about students or teaching. think last year i went to everland instead - korea's disneyland. i hate the phrase but i'll use it anyway - happy days.

Oceans

It's all getting abit too much. My brain can't quite take it all in. Starting Uni. and living here. Overload.

Uni. hasn't even started and it's stressful but I think that is because it's a superunknown. Full of if and buts that are not going to be answered until much later in the year, perhaps not until next year. I do like some variables but I have too many to be comfortable about. All that can be done is get the head down and makes sure that the variables are minimised as much as possible. Example=not doing well enough in the assessments=not proceeding to the Dissertation.
Example=choosing of classes to attend=too hard, then see number 1.

And another bundle of them.
Instead, I should just concentrate on getting that aspect of thing organised. Doing ehat I have to do - namely reading and studying and planning. After all, there are people in my class that have been accepted to the likes of Cambridge Uni. fully funded but have chosen to come to Edinburgh. Just shows the quality of the students. Asking myself 'what the hell am I doing here?' They wouldn't have let me in if they didn't think I could do it. Time to prove that.

Alas, the gym has been joined also and that'll be me for the year. Class, library, gym...perhaps in that order.

Oh yeah, living here. Yesterday reminded me exactly why I dislike Scotland. Rain. Dark and miserable. All day.

minimum

Officially a student. Not an UG but a PG. I guess that means that I'm expected to know what to expect and that I have to work harder.

It seems as if there are about 30 people in the class, split between 2 different M.Sc Courses with perhaps 25 of those doing the Education course whilst the rest of us doing the Research by Education course.

Of those 30, there are only 4 of us are male and only one of them Scottish -yours truly-. The rest are women, clearly. And mostly International students and of top of that, mostly Chinese. Think the Uni. must be making quite alot of money from this group.

Today represented orientation. Meeting and greeting and info regarding the Course. The highlights being the 6 Units to be taken over 2 semesters which will conclude with 6x4000 word Essays and a final 15.000 word Dissertation. If you don't do well enough in the Essays, you can't do the Dissertation. Ouch.
We'll worry about that later.

Seems like a lot of work ahead and alot of information to be taken in. It's all abit confusing at the moment. I'm sure I'll have a better idea of what's going on once I've read the Handbook and all the other stuff that was handed out.

Needless to say, the hard work start now.

frozen.

Before my departure, I was on a mission to download music as I wasn't sure how available it would have been when I got back to the 'cave' in Edinburgh. Alas, all the stuff I downloaded is still sitting waiting to get listened to. I'll get round it.

Instead, this particular number has been on repeat.

Nina Simone I hear the audience gulp and I would agree...it's funny how you stumble across things completely by accident and this was abit of an accident.

Question is whether or not it's manly to listen to it but in all honesty, any manlyness I may have had has evaporated. But music is music and if it agrees with your ears, then it's worthwhile.

But, it really is quite something. The range of her voice and it's uniqueness has a quality in it that is far superior to alot of more modern voices. It's a voice that doesn't really need a musical instrument to accompany it. Often, simple piano does grace the background but any music is merely secondary to her lyrics where she is singing a blues, jazz or pop song. It's incredible.

Her straining, yet controlled voice on 'I think it's going to rain today' is enough to make anyone sit up and take notice whilst the emotional depths reached on 'I love you Porgy' or 'Mr. Bojangles' would encourage even the most cynical of heart to melt, even if only a tiny bit. It could even be argued that her version of 'Here comes the sun' could be better than the original. Controversial yes but not far from the truth particulary when she tells us that 'everything is alright'.

It's a celebration 'I got my head, I got my friends, got my ears, got my eyes, got my nose...I got my soul, got my heart, I got my smile'. Enough said.
However, I do feel about weird singing along to 'Young, gifted and black' because, clearly I'm not. I guess though, that is was a sign of the times.

A slow-burner.

invective

...and suddenly it's really warm again. Isn't that considerate of the weather.
I think the fed-upness 0f yesterday is still here. Can't really shake it off. Lethargy is ruling and I currently haven't got the ability to punt it into touch.

Have been trying to organise my cv in preparation for my j-hunting but even that seems abit beyond me, after all, a cv is meant to sell your attributes. It's meant to make you sound like you are totally fantastic and capable at everything you have ever done but the difficulty is that I don't think I'm fantastic and capable at everything I have ever done and that fact is manifesting itself in my practice cv's. I guess doing a cv is something you have to be in the mood to do. That, or get someone else to do it.

iT'S not all doom and gloom however. I have finished my '2nd language acqusition research methods book'. Hardly a bundle of laughs but practical nontheless. It might be relevent to this course i'm starting next week...well, it's my field and I want to do research.
+ I play spider solitare to much.

Actually, it is all doom and gloom isn't it?
new beginning. new start.honest.

Asymmetric

Bit fed-up.
I shouldn't be but I am.
Think the past week of 'resting' aka not doing much at all, is starting to catch up with me. There is only a certain amount of not doing anything that can be tolerated. Waking up isn't high on the 'things to do' if there isn't much on the agenda. Some people might be delighted with not having anything to do. I am at times but not at the moment.

Perhaps I won't be saying that when I'm busy doing assignments and stuff but even that thought doesn't exactly fill me with excitement.

I really could go on and on and on and on about life, the universe and everything but it would make heavy reading.
Instead, it's not bad being Scottish at the moment. We are sitting pretty at the top of Group B on 6 points. Below us are the French whilst the World Champions are 2nd bottom of the group on 1 point. Can't we just stop all the qualifying now?

And then back to normality.

diplomacy

Cheery.
Cheer up.
Smile.
Am trying to.
But with it wind, the darkness, the clouds and the drizzly rain it's not that easy to get yourself 'up'.

T + 1 Week is almost here.
The realisation that I'm not just here on holiday has started to filter into my tiny brain. That this is 'it'. No more humidty. No more fans or air-conditioners. No more Koreanness. Only Scottishness.

Have been told in no uncertain terms to get my act together and to banish those '...' Reduce the 3 '...' to only 1 '.' Turn it into a full stop.

Much, much easier to do in theory than it is in practice. In my defence the 3 '...' represents hope. I quite like having hope, any amount actually. I don't do '.' = definites.

I guess it's about looking forward. It doesn't look that rosy, in fact it's not that exciting but I need to turn 180 degrees. From 'past' to 'future'. That'll be undeniably hard but