anddeath shall have no dominion.

how long is 'long enough?'
1 second/5minutes/3 days/7months/a lifetime.
And how do you know when you are at the 'long enough' point?
Perhaps its a gut-feeling or something. Perhaps its when someone else tells you. Perhaps its a chain of events that provide evidence that the 'long enough' point has been reached.

But if you get to the 'long enough' point and then you do actually know its the 'long enough' point, then what? Do you just give it all up and go on with whatever it was you were doing before you thought 'perhaps thats long enough'.

giveup.

cosmo.

I'm not very sure about small things. You know, those little flying bug things that float about. Yes, those ones.

Surely they have sensort organs of some sort. I would imagine that they have a sense of smell and would surely have some sort of sense of sight. I say 'surely' because they fly about and land on things. If they couldn't see properly then they wouldn't be able to do that. Perhaps i'm wrong, after all I'm no Biologist.

But, then why is that when I'm out cycling they fly into me. Perhaps they have a selfish gene which programs them to hit things and die. Or perhaps they don't have a sense of sight. I mean, come on I'm hardly a shrinking violet. I'm 6 foot tall. I'm not that hard to miss, especially when I'm cycling because I'm the one that's not going very fast and is panting. Alas, they still can't spot me. In they come *spat* as I try to wipe their bodies out of my mouth. It's gotten to the point where I have to wear glasses when I cycle - at least they deflect off the lenses. It's still a bit of a fright when that happens though. I guess they get a bigger fright.

Anyway, is there someone I could contact about this. Like a bug leader. Id let it be known that I'm not trying to kill his or her kinsman, they are doing it all themselves. I'd definitely recommend that 'not killing yourself' is a good thing and that I think they should teach that at their schools. It should be on their curriculum and they might even have to sit a wee test to prove that they have taken it all in.

Of course, it might just be me. Perhaps, I'm the only one in the world that seems to kill a disproportiate amount of flying bug things. It's a worry. Especially karma wise. What if I come back as one of these flying bug things. If I recommend taking classes now to their leader, perhaps when I am a young baby flying bug thing I might know that I shouldn't kill myself by hitting things. So, in effect I'm saving myself in the afterlife. My word, that's all very space-time continum and just the thought of it is giving me a Doc Brown sized sore head. Think I need to get a job.

Pogo's

Day 1 of the rest of my life. No studying to be done, no writing to be done nor anything particularly academic apart from returning the books I used for citing purposes.

Instead was the stark realisation that I need to get a job. Teaching/research related. To that end I inquired about one to find that it was already taken. Not surprising since the posting for the job was made in June. Nothing ventured, nothing gained however. Another though has been applied for and the forms will be sent out tomorrow.

It does seem that there are loads and loads of purely teaching english as a second language jobs. I could choose a country and just go for it. Alas, i'm not sure I want to do that. Part of me feels as if i've 'been there, done that'. Indeed, I'm not doing all this studying just to go and do something as rash as that. In saying that, it might get to the point where I have to - money talks you see.

It's all a headache really.

thismonth.

1. During interludes of stressing and infinite procrastination, some music came my way. Firstly though all this festival nonsense. Whoa x festival was the bollocks or what about all that mud. Whatever. So what. Shamless money making, that's all it is. And then there are all the interviews with the bands saying the 'x-festival' was the best one they've played EVER. They then go to another country to play in another festival and say the exact same thing. A faff.
quite liking:

The Justice album. The heavy end of the dance spectrum and is it ever. Kind of Daft Punk-esque but more grinding and bassy. 'Water of Nazareth' a particular highlight with its speaker shreding bass. It's a dense, hard 'noise' gives way to an organ themed 'cool down' before the bass comes back in, in all it's glory at around 3minutes 30seconds. Or the infectiously 70's retro-pop of 'D.A.N.C.E.' - with it's 'the way you move is a mystery' lyric harping back to visions of John Travolta strutting his stuff in Saturday Night Fever. One to tap your feet and singalong to. Perhaps even clicking your fingers together if the mood so takes.

Or the infinite ambience of the 'Solaris' soundtrack. Very under-rated movie in my opinion. Not a drum beat in sight but something that calms and soothes. It's a swirl of keyboards, orchastration /is that a word?/ and melody. Hits the spot at 11pm when your in the s*T.


2. Suddenly the sun is shining. Perhaps summer has arrived in time for me to actually enjoy it. I thought I had had my 3days of sunshine when I was in Paris. Alas, I few days of warmth wouldn't go amiss starting now. Along with a holiday somewhere. Both seem unlikely though.


3. Seems as if there is alot of upheaval at the moment. Some of it with me but mostly with others. Jobs, promotions, movings, discontent, finishing of stuff and I guess, change. I hope everything sorts itself out. No question of that.


4. And then there is the job hunting or getting on with something now that the course is finished. Never really thought I'd get to this point. It was always going to come but it never seemed to be close. It is and it needs to be dealt with. A job or some other focus is needed. Not really sure what though. I have a couple of ideas but then when do ideas actually come to fruition? We'll see.

5. And that's your lot.

6. Hasta luego, Mr. Fab.

Automatic

So, that's my Dissertation written, printed, bound and handed-in. 15, 842 words written in 23 days. A minor miracle of sorts. It was an investigation into the learning styles and strategies of people who learn second languages.

The question is, is it decent?
I'm not sure. I think it will pass but then a pass isn't enough. I've read it over and it's fine. I really should go over it again now that the dust has settled but I've don't have the urge. In fact, i'm not sure I want to look at it ever again. I guess in a few months I will but for now I just need to sleep and then plan whats next, after all, i'm no longer a student.

block

So, in 2 weeks of writing I've managed 8,000 words. Must be some kind of record. The irony is though its not a good quality of words. This current piece of work is going to be sub-standard. Just reading over it doesn't make me well up insight with glee. What I do read just looks like words written in a functional way. It means what it means but has no style to it. It's dull also. Perhaps thats my tiredness talking. When I wake up tomorrow it might seem better.
It better.

Needless to say mr. pf is not a happy bunny. The stress of it all is getting to me. In 2 weeks it will all be over but at the moment, I just can't see that far ahead.

Edition

It's late. I should be thinking about sleeping but I'm not. Instead I'm thinking about my Dissertation. It is /almost/ all encompassing. It's there every minute of the day. Just lurking there. It might be the thought that I'm away from it and not actively doing anything with it or it might be the thought that i'm seriously running out of time or it might be the thought that I have explained or expanded on this or that. Perhaps I've missed something. Perhaps it's all incoherent crap that switches between tenses.
Needless to say:
1. it's a headache.
2. i want it to go away.
3. i want to finish it.
4. i just want it to pass.
5. i hate the sight of it.
6. i'd like some additional time to do it.
7. and another hundred different things.

Alas, it's due in 2 weeks. And in 2 weeks and 3 days I return to 'normal' life which means earning money and getting a job. Scary. I hate looking for jobs at the best of times but this next one is of increased significance. I will have completed my CELTA and a Masters since I last had a job. I'd be gutted if all that studying was in vain. I mean, in terms of career, professional development, conditions, benefits and of course in terms of the wad of money that gets paid into my Bank Account once a month. It all needs to be better than before. Otherwise what a waste.

Suggestions/ideas/job offers are more than welcome.
CV and references are available on request.
Oh yes and I quite like teaching but am definitely a leader and a team-player when it is necessary.

Sigificant

F*ing writing.
Honestly this dissertation will not be getting handed in on time. Progress is slow and what I'm writing is crap. It's functional and is to the point but its not going to win any prizes. At this rate, i'll be done in September which is wholly unsatisfactory.

Just got to keep going though.
That's it really.
As someone once said, keep going.

make

Yep, so I was in Paris. Warm, sunny and a million miles away from Edinburgh's summer. Really rather nice. Alas 3 days was not enough to trawl through all the 'highlights' particularly the Louvre. It's a strange but fascinating place. Seems as if the hordes simply make a b-line for the wing in which the Mona Lisa is situated, leaving the 3 other wings largely devoid of people which is some respects is awful given the wealth of art in those 3 wings but from a purely selfish point of view, its great because you get time to look at the paintings with getting hassled or caught up with a tour group.

It's interesting that a large amount of the collections depict Jesus. Whether that be him being born or as an infant or his final moments on the cross. I guess when they were painted, Western Europe was largely devoutly Christian so it comes as no surprise that such paintings exist. That said it is remarkable that such paintings are completely Westernised version of the 'event's' surrounding Jesus' life and it is this version that persists to this day. It's just accepted that Jesus was this Western looking bloke surrounded by lush green landscapes. However, surely its all a big lie. He wasn't 'Western' nor was his immediate environment lush and green, indeed it would have been dusty, dry and lacking in greenary.

Surely its a distortion of history...and one that put me off some of the paintings on show. It's not particlarly a Louvre issue, in fact some of the other Galleries I visited were much the same. I guess though all paintings are in some respects distortions of reality anyway.

Doubt

.
.
.
.....Might help to fill in some of the blanks.